Why Good Men Cheat

Anyone who has ever been cheated on will know the pain and heart ache cheating can cause.

It can be easy to assume that when infidelity takes place an automatic end to a relationship but it’s not that simple. All is not lost, through marriage counselling you can heal and get your marriage back on track. 

Sometimes we never know if we have been cheated on and I have come across examples where people have cheated for years. One such example where the partner did not find out until 10 years into their marriage. 

There is no single reason why men cheat. This is because there are a lot of dynamics that go into a man’s mind for them to cheat. Cheating and deceiving other people are traits of a dishonest person. When people intentionally distort the truth to deceive others, they contradict the values of honesty.

There are several reasons and personality traits that can cause a good man or even a woman to cheat on their partner.

Cheating and Islam

Honesty is not only limited to showing sincerity, but it also encompasses being fair and straightforward. Therefore, cheating, deceit, trickery, and lies are unacceptable. This is what the Qur’an and the Sunnah state about cheating. Whether someone is a Muslim or not, cheating is forbidden.

Once the guidance of Islam is accepted, a person can avoid deceiving and cheating because they are led to the truth. According to the Prophet(saw) of Islam, those who cheat is not part of true followers of the faith.

Muslims believe in the sanctity of love, emotions, and keeping promises towards other Muslims and other members of the society. Because the members are devoted, faithful, and truthful, the idea of deception and disloyalty is far from Islam. Traitors, tricksters, and people who double-cross and swindle are not allowed.

Reasons Why Good Men Cheat

There are several reasons why good men may cheat on their partners. Some of these reasons include:

1. Immaturity

If a person does not have much experience being in a long-term relationship, they are likely to cheat. This is also true if they don’t have enough understanding that all actions have consequences.

Such a person might be under the impression that cheating is justifiable. He might believe that being in a monogamous relationship is something that he can decide upon himself based on the circumstances he is in. In Islam, maturity is expected not only in men but all Muslims.

2. Addiction

Another reason could be that the man has an addiction problem. He could be too dependent on alcohol or drugs that cloud his decision-making skill. As a result, he makes judgments that are regrettable. Another possibility is that his addiction makes him engage in behaviors to avoid reality and make himself numb.

3. Self-Doubt

A good man that cheats may have a lot of insecurities such as being too old or young, not being successful, rich, smart, or handsome enough. Moreover, cheating is often or somewhat linked to mid-life crisis. To boost up his low ego, he may end up looking for validation from other women that make him feel worthy, wanted, and accepted.

4. Lack of Support

Another reason is the lack of social support. Oftentimes, men tend to think that their emotional and social needs can be met by their partner. As a result, developing friendships from other people is not given enough value. If a partner is not able to meet these needs, they resort to cheating. That is why in Islam interacting with others is given great importance.

5. Intense Infatuation

A man might misunderstand intense infatuation to love because of the rush from brain chemicals released during the early stages of love. Therefore, he could be thinking that long-term love can be replaced. He needs to understand that this intense feeling can be overpowered by deeper and more meaningful connections from his long-term relationship over time.

6. Abuse

Another factor that can cause a man to cheat is bad experiences during his childhood. A man, who has hidden and unresolved issues such as being neglected when he was a child or experienced emotional or physical abuse, might find solace in cheating.

When left unresolved, this could affect the way he becomes attached or intimate with other people. This can result in having troubles getting into a committed relationship. Also, he could be trying to alleviate the trauma by having an affair.

7. Selfishness

In Islam, there is no place for one to have selfish desires. However, there are men who just think of themselves alone. Thus, they do not feel any remorse, guilt, or regret when they lie or keep secrets from their partners.

They think that if they get what they want, all their actions are reasonable. Worse, they might never have the intention to stick to one relationship.

8. Being Unrealistic 

A good man with unrealistic expectations may cheat on his partner. Such a man believes that his partner should be there whenever he needs her. This can relate to being selfish since he disregards what his partner is feeling.

The man may rarely understand that his partner has her own life to live and that her world does not revolve around him. When these expectations are not fulfilled, he seeks other women.

You can recover

All is not lost as many marriages can recover through Islamic marriage counselling which every relationship should explore.  The key for reconciling is not only seeking forgiveness but for the other partner to also accept, take a risk, if their partner is remorseful. If you see him taking a genuine active position to create changes in his life, acknowledge/take responsibility for their actions- these are signs for possibilities of change.  It is a two way process to support one other as opposed to attack one another for the healing process to take place that requires time and commitment from each other.

Ultimately, there is no definite reason why good men cheat and the same could be said about women. These reasons tend to change as the cheating habits change. Different life events and circumstances can affect these. Whatever the reason is, there is no justifiable reason why one must cheat on their partners.