Why Good Men Cheat
Anyone who has ever been cheated on will know the pain and heart ache cheating can cause.
It can be easy to assume that when infidelity takes place an automatic end to a relationship but it’s not that simple. All is not lost, through marriage counselling you can heal and get your marriage back on track.
Sometimes we never know if we have been cheated on and I have come across examples where people have cheated for years. One such example where the partner did not find out until 10 years into their marriage.
There is no single reason why men cheat. This is because there are a lot of dynamics that go into a man’s mind for them to cheat. Cheating and deceiving other people are traits of a dishonest person. When people intentionally distort the truth to deceive others, they contradict the values of honesty.
There are several reasons and personality traits that can cause a good man or even a woman to cheat on their partner.
Cheating and Islam
Honesty is not only limited to showing sincerity, but it also encompasses being fair and straightforward. Therefore, cheating, deceit, trickery, and lies are unacceptable. This is what the Qur’an and the Sunnah state about cheating. Whether someone is a Muslim or not, cheating is forbidden.
Once the guidance of Islam is accepted, a person can avoid deceiving and cheating because they are led to the truth. According to the Prophet(saw) of Islam, those who cheat is not part of true followers of the faith.
Muslims believe in the sanctity of love, emotions, and keeping promises towards other Muslims and other members of the society. Because the members are devoted, faithful, and truthful, the idea of deception and disloyalty is far from Islam. Traitors, tricksters, and people who double-cross and swindle are not allowed.
Reasons Why Good Men Cheat
There are several reasons why good men may cheat on their partners. Some of these reasons include:
If a person does not have much experience being in a long-term relationship, they are likely to cheat. This is also true if they don’t have enough understanding that all actions have consequences.
Such a person might be under the impression that cheating is justifiable. He might believe that being in a monogamous relationship is something that he can decide upon himself based on the circumstances he is in. In Islam, maturity is expected not only in men but all Muslims.
Another reason could be that the man has an addiction problem. He could be too dependent on alcohol or drugs that cloud his decision-making skill. As a result, he makes judgments that are regrettable. Another possibility is that his addiction makes him engage in behaviors to avoid reality and make himself numb.
A good man that cheats may have a lot of insecurities such as being too old or young, not being successful, rich, smart, or handsome enough. Moreover, cheating is often or somewhat linked to mid-life crisis. To boost up his low ego, he may end up looking for validation from other women that make him feel worthy, wanted, and accepted.
4. Lack of Support
Another reason is the lack of social support. Oftentimes, men tend to think that their emotional and social needs can be met by their partner. As a result, developing friendships from other people is not given enough value. If a partner is not able to meet these needs, they resort to cheating. That is why in Islam interacting with others is given great importance.
5. Intense Infatuation
A man might misunderstand intense infatuation to love because of the rush from brain chemicals released during the early stages of love. Therefore, he could be thinking that long-term love can be replaced. He needs to understand that this intense feeling can be overpowered by deeper and more meaningful connections from his long-term relationship over time.
Another factor that can cause a man to cheat is bad experiences during his childhood. A man, who has hidden and unresolved issues such as being neglected when he was a child or experienced emotional or physical abuse, might find solace in cheating.
When left unresolved, this could affect the way he becomes attached or intimate with other people. This can result in having troubles getting into a committed relationship. Also, he could be trying to alleviate the trauma by having an affair.
In Islam, there is no place for one to have selfish desires. However, there are men who just think of themselves alone. Thus, they do not feel any remorse, guilt, or regret when they lie or keep secrets from their partners.
They think that if they get what they want, all their actions are reasonable. Worse, they might never have the intention to stick to one relationship.
8. Being Unrealistic
A good man with unrealistic expectations may cheat on his partner. Such a man believes that his partner should be there whenever he needs her. This can relate to being selfish since he disregards what his partner is feeling.
The man may rarely understand that his partner has her own life to live and that her world does not revolve around him. When these expectations are not fulfilled, he seeks other women.
You can recover
All is not lost as many marriages can recover through Islamic marriage counselling which every relationship should explore. The key for reconciling is not only seeking forgiveness but for the other partner to also accept, take a risk, if their partner is remorseful. If you see him taking a genuine active position to create changes in his life, acknowledge/take responsibility for their actions- these are signs for possibilities of change. It is a two way process to support one other as opposed to attack one another for the healing process to take place that requires time and commitment from each other.
Ultimately, there is no definite reason why good men cheat and the same could be said about women. These reasons tend to change as the cheating habits change. Different life events and circumstances can affect these. Whatever the reason is, there is no justifiable reason why one must cheat on their partners.
Join Ayesha Aslam live on Facebook and Instagram. This is the second in the series discussing
- your well-being in these exceptional times
- providing tips
- managing balance by being at home
- Tools to take away
The Psychological Impact of Social Isolation and Tips on How to Make This Easier
With the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, more and more people are practicing social distancing and quarantining at home to protect themselves and others from the virulent virus. For those living alone, this can mean spending a lengthy amount of time being alone in their apartments or houses.
This can degrade one’s mental health, and it may even lead to increased social isolation and increased risks of serious mental health disorders. In this article, we will talk about the psychological impact of social isolation and some tips on how to make these trying and uncertain times much easier to handle.
What is Social Isolation?
Social Isolation is a state of complete or close to complete lack of interaction or contact from the outside world over a long period. This is quite different from the feeling of loneliness which is a temporary and most often involuntary lack of contact from other members of society.
Humans are inherently social animals. We have evolved to thrive and feel good when around people we trust and socially interact with them. With quarantines taking place all over the world, many people are experiencing less “real” social interaction aside from social media on the internet. However, the lower-income groups of people may not have access to the internet and social media to communicate with their family and friends.
What are the Negative Impacts of Social Isolation?
The negative impacts of social isolation have been studied in a variety of different groups from astronauts in space, people sentenced to solitary confinement, to researchers in the frigid Antarctic region. Social isolation can wreak severe havoc on a person’s mental and also physical health. Some of its impacts are as follows:
1. Increased Risk of Depression
Numerous studies have found that social isolation is commonly associated with depression and other mental health disorders. Negative thoughts such as hopelessness and worthlessness can increase in magnitude while being socially isolated.
- Can Fuel Anxiety and Paranoia
Social isolation can heavily contribute to anxiety and may even trigger panic attacks, especially during these uncertain times. Without other people to console or talk to, anxious behavior can worsen over time.
- Heighten Problems with Diet
Social isolation can negatively impact an individual’s diet, whether it be overeating or the loss of one’s appetite. Sudden gain or loss of weight can be severely damaging to your physical and mental health.
- Problems with Sleep
Having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much is also associated with social isolation. Irregular sleep schedules can severely impact an individual’s mental state.
- Loss of Energy
Due to having trouble with sleep, a socially isolated individual can feel tired for most of the day and lose any motivation for doing anything productive during the day. If the individual is working at home during the quarantine, this can negatively impact his or her income.
- Substance Abuse
Being in social isolation can increase one’s stress levels tremendously, and this can lead to abuse of substances such as alcohol, medications, nicotine, and even drugs.
- Negative Physical Impacts
Aside from negative mental impacts, social isolation is known to cause muscle aches, pains, and headaches. It can also worsen existing medical conditions. Studies have shown that social isolation is associated with increased risks of heart diseases, high levels of stress hormones, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes.
How to Combat Social Isolation
Being socially isolated for a lengthy amount of time can lead to deadly situations, as seen above. However, social isolation can be combatted and prevented. Here some of the ways you can stay mentally and physically healthy while in social isolation during the quarantine:
- Keep Active and Exercise
Exercising is one of the best ways to combat the feelings of social isolation. Numerous studies worldwide have found that exercising can help reduce stress levels by a large margin. It helps boosts endorphin production, the feel-good chemicals of our brain and reduce stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. You can safely do workout routines indoors without having to go to the gym.
- Continue Neglected Projects
Maybe you have projects in the past that you’ve put aside. You can use the plentiful time you have at home to continue and maybe even finish them. Keeping yourself busy can help ward off the symptoms of depression due to social isolation.
- Try relaxation techniques, mindfulness and prayers
Relaxation can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. A study in 2019 found that college students who used mobile apps for relaxation such as call to prayer mindfulness for 10 minutes a day experienced being less depressed and anxious. Prayers which is seen as a form of relaxation also helps reduce blood pressure and lower your heart rate.
- Clean the House
Maybe it has been a while since your house or apartment had a thorough cleaning. That said, you want to take an hour or two to clean your entire house and get rid of unessential things you may have lying around. You might even find an item you’ve been looking for or discover something nostalgic from the past.
- Learn about your faith or a New Hobby or a Language
Now that we have ample time for ourselves, it is one of the best times to reflect, read the Quran and pray or learn a new hobby or a language. You can currently find plenty of apps or have Zoom get together. My children are currently engaged in Studying activities (including Islamic studies) online and have to answer questions where they get feedback, they absolutely love it.
We are living in a very scary and uncertain time, with more and more people experiencing social isolation. As humans, we require socialization to maintain a healthy mental and physical state. Therefore, knowing the effects of social isolation and the ways you can prevent them can be really helpful in making your quarantine a lot easier. Sometimes individuals are unable to cope and this is where Sakoon Counselling Services can help.
Read our Self Help guides which cover anxiety and depression
Invest in your Marriage
Following on from the Happily Ever After Event, Ayesha Asalm will go through the most important things to do for a better marriage. You will find this one day event a valuable resource covering;
- Common Pitfuls to avoid
- Love language
- Goal to build a strong marriage
- much more
Did you know that even when your marriage has reached breaking point by going to counselling and having the right therpaist you will get your marriage back on track.
Proior to the event:
Once registered you will be given a questionnare to complete, this will be analysed and your feedback will be disccussed on the day.
Please note places are limited and you will need to purchase your ticket in advance. You will be refused entry if you do not have a valid ticket. For further details Contact Us
About Ayesha Aslam:
She is a qualified and highly experienced Couple and Systemic therapist with over 8 years working with couples, providing educational talks to the community and has received praise for her work in Islamic counselling. You can read all about her by Googling Ayesha Aslam Sakoon.